


i'm all yours now

by wotwolves



Category: The Maze Runner Series - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, F/M, M/M, Mentions of Suicide Attempt, Oblivious Thomas, Other characters are just mentioned, Slight Drug Use, Thomas is confused, as usual, its like one sentence and no details discussed at all, lots of flashbacks, newtmas - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-16
Updated: 2018-07-16
Packaged: 2019-06-11 07:29:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,374
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15310473
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wotwolves/pseuds/wotwolves
Summary: so basically i saw this post on instagram from a different site about a guy who posted on reddit (so confusing lol), about "straight guy worries he's being homophobic to gay roommate, realizes he's fallen in love with him" and if that doesn't have newtmas written all over it, then i don't know what does! so enjoy!





	i'm all yours now

**Author's Note:**

> psa: i typed all this out on google docs which made it SO much easier to follow on there, and on this format it's a bit more confusing to follow what's going on. so basically  
> all the lines that aren't indented are what thomas is typing, paragraphs that are italicized are flashbacks, and normal fonts is present time.  
> i also hate the spacing on here, uGH! oh well  
> enjoy!

          The clouded, grey skies did nothing but burden Thomas’ mind.  He was conflicted, confused, lost. Too many thoughts swarmed in his head, too many questions he tried and failed to answer.  He knew he could always go to Teresa— his ~~best friend~~ ,  _sister_ — to ease him when he was troubled, but this matter was… too personal to even go to her.  He had no idea what to make of his situation, and he didn’t want everyone he’s ever known to look at him differently, he wasn’t sure if he was ready to look at himself differently.  
He needed someone to talk to, someone who didn’t know him and who could pass judgement freely.

          With an idea forming in his head, Thomas got up from the couch, and headed to his bedroom.  The apartment he and his roommate lived in was quite cozy, mostly decorated with the blond’s keen interior design skills.  Everything in this space reminded Thomas of the British man, and he couldn’t escape him.

          He went into his room, grabbed his laptop from his desk, and threw on the first hoodie he found.  He left the flat, heading across campus to his favorite cafe. It was lightly drizzling out, so the walk wasn’t terrible.  It gave him time to think, to reflect on his feelings. Because what he was feeling was so not like him, and he needed to get a grip.

          Flare Coffee & Tea House, the only quality coffee shop in WCKD University (if you ask Thomas), was just the place for the runner to figure out all his problems.  He got a simple coffee with cream and sugar, and sat at one of the tables next to the windows. Opening up his laptop, he cracked his fingers, leg bouncing up and down with nerves.  He was about to put his thoughts out there, and while they were anonymous, it was still nerve-wracking, still made his hands shake and his heart race.

          Paige’s Post, set up by the Dean of Students, Dr. Ava Paige, was designed to offer a safe place for the young adults at WCKD University, a place where students can freely, yet namelessly, talk about their problems and get feedback from unknown sources.  He felt silly writing on this page, but it did offer a safe outlet for Thomas.  He tapped on the wooden table, trying to decide how to start his vent.  After a few moments, he just decided to let his fingers work their magic:

 

"To understand the current dilemma in my life, you need to understand my past.  Growing up, I was never a discriminatory person— my childhood best friend was gay, I encountered his various boyfriends, and even when I walked in on some of their… compromising positions, I was never grossed out or resentful or uncomfortable of anything he did."

 

          He writes about his old friend, Aris, who was always open about his sexuality.  Thomas never cared when he was with his boyfriends, they were all nice to him, so that’s all that mattered.

 

"What he did and who he loved never bothered me, any different ways of life have never made me as uncomfortable as I am now.  These feelings are all so new, and are coming out of nowhere."

  
          Thomas paused, realizing he almost typed his roommate’s name.  This was anonymous, he can’t have real names in here. Maybe initials would work?  Was that too obvious? Maybe something a bit more clever. _Samuel Newton_ , his name could easily be replaced by _Isaac_ , the famous scientist everyone tries to connect the blond to upon meeting him, though there is no actual evidence to suggest they are related.  Okay, so Isaac could work.

  
"“Isaac” has always been my roommate at this school, ever since freshman year.  We are both sophomores now. I’ve known pretty much since the day we met that he was gay, and it never bothered me before."

 

 _246… 248… ahh, 250!  His new home for the next year.  Thomas fished out his key with his free hand, and opened up the dorm room.  Walking in, he saw his roommate’s side was already decorated; light grey comforter, a large, black and white poster of the landscape of London hung above his bed, his desk shelves stacked with various books, some classics like_ Sybil, Wuthering Heights, The Strange Case of Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde _, and some recent books such as_ A Song of Fire and Ice series, Simon vs the Homosapien Agenda _, and even numerous novels by John Green.  It was such a wide variety amongst the thirty-some books his roommate chose to bring with him to college, and Thomas couldn’t stop himself from wondering why these?  Maybe it was the natural need to know about the person he’d be living with, but just a small snippet into his peer’s mind left Thomas fascinated._

 _His roommate had a few pictures scattered along his desk; the first was the boy’s silhouette with the sunset behind him.  It was artsy, and fantastic. He could tell that the boy was tall, lean fit, and had fluffy hair. The second picture he could see his face, which stunned Thomas.  The boy he’d be living with was quite attractive (even though Thomas was_ sure, _at the time, that he was 100% straight, he could still admit when a guy was good-looking), he had a baby face, but his smile was infectious-- it was the kind of smile that could light up the whole room, the kind of smile that made you feel as though everything would be okay.  All his pictures were in black and white, so he couldn’t exactly tell what pigments his features possessed, but his hair was a light shade, his skin appeared to be white, but his eyes were dark, yet inviting. This picture was a selfie with a girl who appeared to be his sister, since she had the same youthful face he had.  The next picture was of the same girl and their parents, it was a nice family photo around a tropical backdrop, maybe on a family vacation._

 _Another was with a buff, Asian boy who looked around their age.  It was of the duo in their caps and gowns from their high school graduation.  Seems like this could be his best friend. The last photo on the desk caught Thomas’ eye, compelling him to pick it up to get a better view of it.  His roommate was kissing someone’s cheek, and said person was smiling. They had dark skin, pearly white teeth, and_ — _hold up.  Is that a guy?_

_Before Thomas had time to analyze this photo anymore, his door suddenly opened, revealing his roommate.  As soon as he saw the brunet, his lips formed into a welcoming smile, one just as bright and pleasant as the one in the picture.  “Hello, roomie! Was wondering when you’d arrive,” he beamed, walking up to Thomas and held his hand out. His British accent stunned the brunet, rendering him speechless.  “M’names Samuel Newton, but please, call me Newt. Everyone calls me Newt, well, besides Lizzy.”_

_“Lizzy?” Thomas questioned as he shook Newt’s hand._

_“My sister.  Her name’s Elizabeth, but she insists on being called Sonya.  But she’ll always be Lizzy to me,” he smiled fondly._

_“Oh.  My name’s Thomas.”_

_“Nice to meet ya, Tommy,” the blond grinned.  Thomas noticed Newt had a thing for nicknames, and “Tommy” wasn’t one he was too fond of, even though it didn’t sound as repulsive when Newt said it._

_Before he could correct him, Newt noticed he was holding the picture of him and the boy.  “So, you’re a curious one, aye?” Thomas spluttered to reply, but Newt just laughed, plucking the picture from Thomas and holding it up for them both to see.  “I took this a couple of months before coming here. His name is Alby, and he was my boyfriend at the time. We broke up some time after this, nothing bad happened, we just fell out of love.  He’s more like a friend to me now, I know he’ll always be here for me.”_

_Thomas nodded, noticing how happy they both looked.  Clearly Newt was into guys, but that wouldn’t be a problem for them, right?_

 

"We quickly became close, it felt as though we had known each other our whole lives.  We shared personal things, and formed a strong bond. We even got close enough that we would jokingly flirt with each other.  It never made me feel uncomfortable or threatened. It was just natural for us. My friend commented once on how it was nice that I wasn’t threatened by the flirting, since apparently most straight guys would, but I never saw the harm in friendly flirtations.  It was all innocent."

 

_Thomas was out for his usual morning run with his new friend, Minho.  When Newt introduced them, he immediately noticed him from the picture of the two from high school.  Newt said this was his best friend, his right hand man. He and Thomas quickly became close friends, the three of them always together.  Minho and Thomas began running together in the mornings in mid-October, their mutual love for the sport bringing them together. One morning after their run, Thomas looked down at his phone to find Newt had texted him three times.  The brunet couldn’t help but smile at how funny the Brit was._

_Newt: you two blokes have been running for what seems like hours_

_Newt: Tommmmyyyyy I’m bored!_

_Newt: I wanna start a binge-watching marathon, and I can’t do that unless you get your cute arse over here and cuddle me._

_Thomas and Newt usually jokingly flirt like this, it was entertaining and effortless.  Thomas just chuckled fondly at the texts as he replied._

_Thomas: oh no, I couldn’t possibly miss our legendary cuddle sessions_

_Thomas: I’ll be home in twenty_

_The reply was almost instant, Newt just sending a smiley emoji.  After that, Thomas slipped his phone into his pocket, finishing off his cold water bottle, which was oh-so satisfying._

_“What are you two shanks up to now?” Minho asked as he stretched his god-like muscles out._

_“Newt’s dying to binge some show tonight, he cuddles like he’s a goddamn koala and I’m the tree,” Thomas joked, yet he’d never admit how he liked it when Newt clung onto him.  There was nothing wrong with a guy liking platonic cuddle sessions with his bro._

_At this Minho’s eyebrows scrunched, he looked like he was contemplating saying something.  “That… doesn’t bother you?”_

_Thomas raised an eyebrow, “Why would it?”_

_“It shouldn’t.  I was just making sure…”_

_“Newt’s a friend.  There’s nothing weird about it.”_

_“I know that.  It’s just that most straight guys would be… uncomfortable with that.  I’m glad you’re not bothered by it.”_

_“I never would be.  It’s Newt we’re talking about.  He knows it doesn’t mean anything, just like I do.”_

_At that Minho stopped talking, maybe to stop himself from saying something.  Thomas sensed a shift in Minho’s demeanor, but he didn’t comment on it._

 

"Everything was fine… Until Isaac started to bring guys home with him.  This started to happen a couple of weeks after winter break. The first couple of times it didn’t really bother me.  He was respectful enough that I wouldn’t have to see/hear anything I wouldn't want to, and sometimes he stayed out for the night.  It was fine at first, but after awhile it started to make me feel… uncomfortable."

 

 _Thomas went home alone after the party he and Minho dragged Newt to.  He went home alone because Newt had left… with another guy. The guy had blonde hair, tattoos littered all over his body, and piercing blue eyes.  He was also_ annoyingly _nice, and that only made Thomas resent the guy even more.  The weird part was Thomas didn’t have any reason to hate the guy.  He had never done anything wrong to him, or anyone else as far as he’s concerned._

_The mere thought of Newt and the tattooed-hunk, who Thomas later learned was named Kyle (a dumb name, in Thomas’ opinion), made the brunet’s skin crawl.  He didn’t understand why he was even imagining his friend being intimate with someone else, but he couldn’t stop. He wanted more than anything to get the images out of his head of Kyle kissing down Newt’s neck, the sounds he’d elicit from the Brit’s soft, pink lips…  All of it disgusted Thomas._

_He felt ashamed for feeling so uncomfortable about his roommate’s sex-life.  He had no right to be grossed out by who he had one-night stands with. How could_ —

          Oh no _, Thomas panicked in his mind._ I’m losing sleep and hating people Newt has one night stands with… What if he gets a boyfriend?  What’s gonna happen then? What’s wrong with me?!

 

"I never said anything, and when the year ended and summer break came along, I was sad to leave Isaac, but kind of relieved— I had time away from seeing him with other guys, I had time away from getting over the… disgusted feeling I had whenever I’d see them together.  Going back home, seeing my childhood friend with his boyfriend didn’t bother me in the slightest. Spending time with them eased my mind, since it helped me understand I wasn’t completely homophobic. Actually, I wasn’t at all, I only was when it came to Isaac… but why?

When we came back to school in August, Isaac and I moved into an apartment together.  It was great to be around him again, I grew to miss waking up and seeing him every morning.  We texted everyday and video chatted during the break, but none of that compared to being with him in person.  The first couple of weeks were amazing. But then… he started to bring guys over again. And I just couldn’t take it.

I began being flat out rude to the guys he fooled around with.  Just a couple of days ago, I was coming back from classes when some guy he was with was leaving.  This guy was trying to be nice to me, but for some reason I couldn’t bring myself to be nice to him.  I don’t even remember what I said, but it was enough for Isaac and I to get into a full-on argument when he left."

 

_Coming back from his classes, Thomas stopped by Flare and got a coffee to go before heading back to the apartment.  Newt hadn’t texted him back for a couple of hours at that point, but Thomas just assumed that it was because he was taking a nap or something.  But when he came back to the apartment, he realized that Newt wasn’t sleeping at all._

_Newt was sitting on the counter of their kitchenette, with some guy Thomas had never seen before standing next to him.  They were awfully close, too close if you ask Thomas, and Newt was only in a pair of sweatpants, his neck looked rough. The pair didn’t seem to notice Thomas had come in, that is until the brunet closed the door a little too rough, taking his coat off while starring the guy down._

_“Oh, Tommy, you’re back early,” Newt quickly pushed himself off the counter.  He was visibly nervous, rubbing the back of his neck as he approached his roommate.  “Winston here was just leaving.”_

_At that, Winston walked up to them, Thomas still eyeing him down.  “Oh, you’re Tommy. Newt’s told me so much about you,” he smiled, holding his hand out._

_“Thomas,” he corrected, crossing his arms over his chest.  It was clear that the runner was pissed._

_“Right…”  The tension in the room was thick, Thomas basically killing Winston with his eyes, Newt returning the murderous look to Thomas, and Winston staring back at Thomas, looking like he was about to shit his pants.  “Well, I’m just gonna_ — _”_

_“Don’t let the door hit you on the way out,” Thomas spat, before taking a sip of his coffee and walking past the pair._

_Newt walked Winston out, but when he came back into the apartment, he brought hell with him.  “What the fuck was that?”_

_“What do you mean?” Thomas shamelessly shrugged._

_“You were a total arse back there.  What’s wrong with you?”_

_“I just don’t like the guy.”_

_“Yeah, you say that about every guy I bring home,” Newt scoffed._

_“I do n_ — _”_

_“Oh yeah?  What about Ben?”_

_“He was eyeing me funny.”_

_“Gally?”_

_“Him and I don’t get along, it has nothing to do with you.”_

_"Clint?”_

_“He gave me bad vibes.”_

_Newt shook his head in disbelief, “You’re unbelievable.  Do you just have a problem with me sleeping around with guys or something?”_

_“No.”_

_That only seemed to piss the blond off more, though it was clear he was trying to calm himself down (and, well, failing).  “Then what’s the problem? Because I sure as hell don’t see one. You know, you have an insane double standard,_ Thomas _.”_ Thomas _.  He always calls him_ Tommy _.  Using his full name made Thomas’ heart drop_ . _“Did you ever see me complaining when you would bring over Brenda?”_

 

"During the argument, Isaac brought up a girl I used to have a friends-with-benefits-thing with.  She and I started seeing each other around November of our freshman year, but after we got back I wasn’t into it anymore and cut it off, and I haven’t been with anyone since.  I then understood where he was coming from, since he’d see us be affectionate with each other, and at that point I just excused my behavior for having a bad day, and who he slept with didn’t bother me.  That turned his anger into sadness, and he left to stay at a friend’s place that evening. As he was leaving, he asked me something like “would it just be better for us to be at his place instead of ours?” and even though it made my stomach drop, I pretended that his question wasn’t a big deal, and told him it’s none of my business what he does.

After that, I felt like shit for the rest of the night.  We’d never fought like that before, and I knew it was my fault, since it seemed like I was just judging him for sleeping around.  When he came back in the morning, he pretended like nothing happened. I was relieved but now I feel like I’m walking on eggshells.  It feels so fragile between us, I don’t want to mess up our friendship. If he knew that the thought of him with other guys disgusted me as much as it did, it’d hurt his feelings, and I can’t do that to him again.

What do I do?  How do I keep my friendship with someone who means so much to me without ruining it?  Am I homophobic, or just uncomfortable with living with a gay person? I don’t want to lose him, but I’m afraid if things keep going like they are, I’ll lose him forever.  And nothing is as terrifying as the idea of him hating me or not being in my life. Help."

 

          After typing it all out, Thomas feels more relieved than he thought he would.  He read over it once, twice, thrice, before being satisfied with his work, and submitting it.  Now, all he had to do was wait. He looked down at his phone, and realized he’d been there for an hour.  He also noticed that Newt had texted him twice.

          Newt: Tommy, where are you?

          Then, a half hour later.

          Newt: do you think we could do a binge-watching marathon, like we used to?

          At that, Thomas’ heart swelled.  He needed him and Newt’s friendship to work out, he needed them to be okay again.  He replied with a quick ‘of course, be right there :)’ before closing his laptop and running straight to their apartment.  The rain had stopped, and the sky began to clear. It seemed as though everything was finding a bit of clarity.

          Hours after getting back home, and four episodes into _How to Get Away with Murder_ , Newt had fallen asleep, tucked under Thomas’ arm, legs intertwined.  Thomas waited for the episode to end to turn the TV off, and he looked down at his friend.  He looked so peaceful, so content snuggled up against him, and something bubbled inside of Thomas, something like adoration, or fondness, but it felt deeper than that, more important.  It was ten o’clock at night, probably too late to do anything, so Thomas just clicked on a random movie, and logged onto his email on his phone. He was curious if he got a reply on his post yet.

          He’d gotten some junk mail, but when he saw the words “Paige’s Post reply” as one of the headers, he immediately clicked on it.  A link attached brought him to his original post, and one comment was there. It read:

 

"Are you sure what you’re feeling isn’t jealousy…?  I mean, this only seems to revolve around Isaac specifically"

 

          Thomas’ eyebrows furrowed, he looked down to make sure Newt was still sleeping before typing out his reply:

 

"Well, I thought about that, but what’s there to be jealous of?  I mean yeah, he has a more active sex life than I do, but it seems odd to act so irrational and dramatic over something like that, you know?"

 

          He knew he wouldn’t get a reply for a couple of hours, or maybe tomorrow, so he just put his phone down and focused in on the movie.  He’d fallen asleep halfway through.

* * *

          In the morning, Thomas was woken up by someone shaking his shoulders lightly, slowly making him conscious again.  “...ommy… Wake up! Teresa will be here in a couple of hours!”

          Teresa went to college an hour away from Thomas’ so she’d drive down to stay the weekend here and there.  Thomas loved how close she and Newt were becoming, because that meant he could now hangout with two of the most important people in his life together.  Hearing her name made Thomas’ eyes open, “Oh shit.  What time is it?”

          Newt laughed adoringly, sitting up from the couch, “Half past ten.  C’mon, mate. You need a shower.”

          “What, does my stench offend you?”

          “No, you bloody idiot.  I happen to like the way you smell, it’s Teresa who’s offended by testosterone, remember?”

          “Well, I like the way you smell, too,” Thomas flashed him a small smile, sitting up.

          A faint blush crept onto Newt’s neck, but he stood up and walked to his room before Thomas could comment on it, “Just go wash up!”

          “Yessir!” Thomas laughed before getting off the couch, and made his way towards the bathroom.  As he was shampooing, he remembered to check his email, but he was so immersed in the comfort the steamy shower gave his tensing muscles.  All this inner turmoil and conflict with Newt was really getting to him, but it seemed as though they were getting on the right track again.

          Once he was done, Thomas walked over to his room, and threw on a casual jeans and t-shirt.  He left his hair alone, since spiking it was too much work, and the messy hair looked kind of suited him, so he just walked over to the kitchenette and made himself a bowl of cereal, opening up his emails on his phone.  He smiled when he saw there was four replies. Three of them read:

 

"Tbh it sounds like you have a crush on Isaac…  "

 

"Maybe you’re not as straight as you thought, pal.  It’s okay to be confused! You’ll figure it out eventually."

 

"Someone make a movie out of this, because this is just too good!  You’re so in love with him!! Maybe he likes you too, OMG!!!"

 

          But then he read the reply he was waiting for all night, and that along with all the others, made him more confused than ever:

 

"Yeah, I get it.  After reading it, I just thought that maybe you’re this distraught because you want his attention all to yourself?"

 

          Thomas didn’t know what to think.  It sounds like everyone’s coming to the same conclusion for a reason…  Could Thomas possibly have more than friends feelings for Newt? Is that what this is all about?  Before his anxiety could creep up on him, and before his mind started going at a thousand miles per hour, he heard a _knock! knock! knock!_ at his front door.  Teresa. He didn’t want to go to her before, but now he needs her more than ever.

          She let herself in with a key Thomas gave her, setting her bag down with a long sigh, “Even though it was only like two flights of stairs, I feel like my legs are going to give out from under me!” _Just as dramatic as ever_ , Thomas thought, but he wouldn’t have her any other way.  “There you are, Tom!” she beamed when she noticed her best friend, running over and throwing her arms around his neck.  He easily picked her tiny body up, making her giggle, “Oh, put me down!”

          “Missed you, T,” Thomas buried his head into her neck, savoring their reunion.  It has only been a couple of weeks away from her, but he’d always missed her when she was away.  She’s always been there for him, every step he’s taken in life since he can remember, so whenever they were together again everything just felt like back home.

          “I mean who wouldn’t,” She joked as they parted, “but, yeah, I missed you, too.”

          They smiled at each other for a couple of moments when Newt walked in.  He must of just came from the shower, since he was only wrapped in a towel around his waist, his hair was damp and sticking to his forehead.  Thomas felt his throat constrict the second he laid eyes on him. He didn’t know if it was the comments getting into his head or not, but his audibly swallowed when Newt came closer.  Teresa noticed this, and shot Thomas an alarming look before turning towards Newt. She would be bringing that up later.

          “Oh, Newt.  You didn’t have to get all dressed up for me,” she shamelessly flirted.  Of course she knew Newt liked guys, but she was just a natural flirt.

          “Only the best for you,” he jibbed right back, pulling her into a tight hug.  After a few moments he pulled away from her, and cocked his head in confusion at the deer-in-headlights-look Thomas was sporting right now.  “You alright, Tommy?”

          “Uh….  Yeah, of course…  I just have to, um,” he tried to speak, then he noticed something happening to him.  Something that made him so panicked that he ran right past them, into his room, and locked the door behind him.  He leaned against the door for a few seconds, trying to slow down his breathe. After a few moments he turned around, looking down at himself.  Why did he… Why did seeing Newt, his _friend_ , naked, give him a goddamn _boner_ , even though he’s _straight_ ?!  He's seen him shirtless plenty of times before, so why the hell is this happening _now_?!

          “Tom!” Teresa yelled over her knocking, “What just happened?  Are you okay?”

          He squeezed his eyes shut, trying to calm himself down, “Just give me a minute, T.”

          It took a couple of minutes of picturing anything that could kill his hard-on, but when it finally subsided, he opened the door, revealing a concerned yet smirky Teresa.  “Everything alright in there?”

          “Yeah, I’m fine,” he sighed as he closed his door.  “Wanna go get food?”

          Thomas told Newt they’d be heading out, and thankfully he was fully clothed when he told him, then walked with Teresa towards the Glade, the huge green field on campus that all the restaurants bordered, making the Glade the place to be.  He took her to the place his friend Frypan worked at, who was the _best_ chef Thomas has ever encountered.  They sat outside, ordered their food, and divulged in some small talk.

          “So, Tom, what was that back there?” Teresa inquired, mischief clear in her clear blue eyes.

          “Hmm?” He looked up, knowing what she was hinting at, but decided to play dumb.  “Oh, some students usually play games out here, I think they’re doing some running competition,” he motioned to the commotion across the grass, where a crowd was waiting to get into the race, Thomas noticed Minho amongst them.

          Teresa rolled her eyes, leaning forward on the table, “You know that’s not what I meant.”

          “You know, it’s not proper table manners to have your elbows on the table,” he grinned.

          She simply flipped him off, and whined a “Comeeee on, Tom!” when he said he joked on her manners yet again.  They laughed a bit, then Teresa brought it up again, using a different approach this time.  “What’s going on with you, Tom?  You never did tell me what happened when you texted me the other night,” she became serious, looking at him with wide, concerned eyes.  That night he fought with Newt, he had texted her _I’m a shucking idiot_ , followed by a _I hurt him, T_ , then finally a _I need him_ , before he turned his phone off for the night.

          He twirled his straw between his fingers before taking a sip of his water.  He sighed, looking out to the greenery, watching Minho beat some poor soul who dared challenge him to a race, before turning back to his friend, “I need you to read something, and tell me what it means.  You know me better than anyone, and I’m just so confused right now.”

          Teresa immediately nodded, “Of course, Tom.  What’s it about?”

          Thomas waited for a moment, then took his phone out of his pocket, and opened up to his Paige’s Post article.  He stared at the screen for what seemed like forever, before shyly sliding it over to the black haired girl. Teresa was immediately alarmed by how insecure her best friend was acting, so she quickly took the phone, stared at him for a few moments, before reading what he wrote.

          It was silent between them for a couple of minutes, it seemed as though Teresa was analyzing every word, every line, and Thomas appreciated how seriously she was taking it.  She was so into it, she hadn’t even realized her grilled cheese and his burger had came until she looked back up at him. Thomas was anxiously awaiting the whole time for her input, unable to sit still until he saw her blue eyes again.  He noticed a sly smile slowly forming on her face, but when it reached its peaked, she lightly giggled, “Oh, Tom. You’re so innocent and oblivious, it’s adorable.”

          He raised an eyebrow at her, stuffing a fry in his mouth, “What do you mean?”

          She took a bite of her sandwich, her smile never fading, waiting until she swallowed to speak up, “Tom, I think you have a crush on Newt.”  Before he could protest, she put her hand out, sitting up in her seat, “Don’t argue, just listen. You guys became really close, really fast, and you trusted him so effortlessly.  I mean, I know you grew close to his friend… What’s his name, Minho? Right, okay. So, correct me if I’m wrong, but I highly doubt Minho knows even a fraction of what you’ve told Newt.”

          She was right.  Thomas told Newt everything; his hopes, his dreams, his worst fears, and his deepest secrets.  Even though Thomas opened up so easily, he knew their bond was really cemented when Newt told him about his suicide attempt, something he said only his family and Minho knew of.  He remembers that conversation, the tears he shed hearing Newt talk about it, the way Newt sobbed into his shoulder, how the brunet wrapped his arms around him and how he vowed he’d never let Newt hurt himself like that again, that he’d do anything to keep a smile on his face.  He remembers how awful he felt when he failed him.

          “That’s probably because Newt’s my roommate,” he tried to explain away.

          “Maybe,” she reluctantly considered it, “But how about the fact that you invited him to spend Thanksgiving with your family?  That’s huge, Tom.”

          “Well, I know his family doesn’t celebrate it, since they’re British and all, so I just thought it’d be the right thing t—”

          “And how much you moped around all break, you kept constantly talking about him and were basically begging summer to be over.”

          “I missed him, so what?”

          “Do you act like a child whenever I’m not around?”

          “No, but that’s because whenever I miss you, I just remember how _annoying_ you can be and it goes away.”

          She mocked hurt, picking up a fry and flinging it at her friend.   “Rude.”

          “Oh, come on,  You know I love you,” he laughed.

          She just rolled her eyes in reply, “But the guy situation.  You’ve called me after you caught him with a guy, and Tom I swear you were about to murder the poor guy.  That’s not normal for you.”

           He nodded, “I just always thought it was because it caught me by surprise, but it started to… gross me out.  I’ve never been like that.”

          “You’re not homophobic.  You’re just a confused young man who is too stubborn and oblivious to admit you’re practically in love with Newt.”

          “But how do y—”

          “Well, I don’t.   _You do_.  How did you first feel when you first met Newt?”

          Thomas thought back to the day, his reassuring smile, how at ease he made the brunet feel, as if he’d been searching for Newt his whole life.  “I felt… Content, and excited, and I needed to know everything about him. From the very beginning it was effortless to be his friend.”

          She smiled, taking a sip of her lemonade, “And how did you feel the first time you caught him with a guy?”

          He remembers the very first time. _He’d gone running by himself in the afternoon, and came back to the room early afternoon.  When he came back to their dorm, he saw Newt with a black haired guy with tanned skin, who he vaguely remembers being named ‘Jake’ or ‘Jared’.  They were both asleep, the guy spooning Newt, who was facing Thomas’ bed. He slowly walked in, shock still coursing through his whole body. Newt was sweaty, his skin was flushed, and he was lightly snoring.  He knows he invading their moment, but for a single second, he was weighed down by hurt, his hands trembled a bit. He played this off as just being surprised, but he knew deep down, even if he wouldn’t admit it, that it wasn’t just that._

          “I was mostly shocked… But… I know I briefly felt… I guess sadness, or hurt, or anger.  I don’t know. I didn’t feel good. I ran out of the room after it all became too much, but I thought I was just surprised to see him with someone like that…”

          “And how do you feel when it’s just the two of you?”

_“Tommy, where are you going?” Newt laughed, feeling unusually giddy._

_“I’m sweating,” Thomas jumped off Newt’s bed, stumbling towards his closet, where he pulled out a pair of shorts.  It was a struggle lifting his shirt over his head, and slipping his sweats on for shorts, but when he finally managed, he crawled back over to Newt, who was choking on the hit he just inhaled.  They weren’t big weed smokers, but when they did smoke, it was always together._

_Newt placed the blunt in between Thomas’ lips and held it for him as he inhaled.  When his lungs were full, Newt brought it to his own lips, sucking in, all while maintaining eye contact with his brunet friend.  Thomas remembers how much hotter that made him feel, but he blamed it on the weed. When their blunt was all finished, they stared up at the ceiling, bodies pressed closely together.  Here and there they said something that made the other burst into laughter, but for the most part they seemed lost in their own minds._

_“Tommy…” Newt said out of nowhere, his voice sounded small._

_“Yeah, Newt?”_

_“Do you think… we’ll be in each other’s lives forever?”_

_Thomas thought for a moment, then turned to the blond, only to find he was already looking at him, “I hope so.  You’ve become too important to me for me to ever willingly let you go… Everything feels complete when you’re here.”  It must have been the THC compelling him to voice his thoughts, because he never would have admitted that otherwise._

_“Say it again.”_

_“You make my life complete.”_

          “I feel… complete.  No one else makes me feel as alive as he does.”

          Teresa sat back, a satisfied smirk plastered on her face.  “I think you like him. And I know he likes you, too.”

          “How can you be so sure?”

          “Here,” she unlocked his phone, scrolling through the work until she found the line she was looking for, “You wrote, ‘Isaac brought up a girl I used to have a friends-with-benefits-thing with,’ yada yada yada… ‘and at that point I just excused my behavior for having a bad day, and who he slept with didn’t bother me.  That turned his anger into sadness, and he left to stay at a friend’s place that evening’. I think he was trying to make you jealous with all those guys, and brought up Brenda to open your eyes up to how he felt when you two would fool around. And when you kept trying to tell him it didn’t bother you…”

          “The more I upset him because he wanted me to feel like he did?”

          She nodded, “And maybe because it showed him you didn’t like him how he hoped.”

          All this information was making Thomas’ head spin.  After that, the rest of the meal was silent, Thomas’ mind working to wrap his head around all these new revelations.  Okay, so _maybe_ he has a crush on Newt.  Does that mean he’s not straight anymore?  He can’t be gay, he still likes girls… Is he bi?  Does he have to come out now? This was all too much right now.

          He decided to enjoy his time with his best friend instead of sorting out his feelings.  There was always time for that, but he only had a limited time with his best friend. After they ate Teresa was dying for a nap, so they walked back to their apartment, and she fell asleep in his bed.  Thomas decided this was a good time to do some homework, so he brought his laptop to the living area and sat on the couch, starting to type out his psychoanalysis paper. He was a psych major, the subject always fascinating him.  He wasn’t sure yet if he wanted to teach or practice psychology, but he had time to figure it out.

          He was an hour into his paper when Newt came out of his room, plopping down on the couch next to him.  “Hey,” he smiled.

          “Hi,” the brunet smiled back, trying not to show how nervous he was.  He still had so much to think about.

          “Minho’s coming over soon.  I reckon we can play Cupid and get Teresa and him together.”

          “Why?”

          “Well, you know Minho’s complaining about finding a girl who can ‘hold it down’ or whatever that means, and there aren’t that many girls that fit that description at this place.  Teresa seems just the girl to tame the raging fuckboy we both know and love, plus she’ll love his muscles.”

          Thomas thought about it for a moment.  It wasn’t a bad idea, and who knows, they might really hit it off.  “Yeah, I’ll go wake the princess up and make sure she looks presentable.”

          “Brilliant!  How was it catching up with her?”

          At this Thomas’ heart started racing.  Was he supposed to tell him? He didn’t even understand what he was feeling!  “Um… It was good. Very eye-opening.”

          “Well, I’m glad she’s doing alright… Also,” Newt paused looking down at his lap.  “I know we never talked about the other night, but I…”

          “Shh, if you’re gonna apologize, which I think you are, you shouldn’t.  It was all my fault, you didn’t, and have never done anything wrong. I was being an ‘arse’, and I really am sorry Newt.”

          Newt softly smiled, eyes filled with joy, “Thank you, Tommy.  But please don’t try to sound British. It doesn’t suit you,” the blond laughed a bit.

          Thomas laughed at that, both feeling the weight off their shoulders from such a horrid night.  “Okay, okay. So we’re good?”

          “Always.  You couldn’t get rid of me even if you wanted to.”

          “Well, it’s a good thing I’ll never want to.”

          When their eyes locked again, neither of them could look away.  Staring at Newt’s brown eyes, Thomas began to wonder how he could ever miss what was so obvious, how he could be so stubborn to not realize just exactly how he felt about Newt.  He was glad that he was finally beginning to, or else he would of had his head in his ass for maybe ever.

          Knocking at the door snapped them both out of their trans-like-state, Newt excusing himself to answer the door (the blush on his cheeks very noticeable) and Thomas went into his room to wake up Teresa.  She’d helped him through his love-life struggles, the least he could do was set her up with a guy as loyal, and maybe just a bit more eccentric, than she.

* * *

          That night, the four went to a club outside of campus (no one knew how Minho’s fake ID worked, since his was the least realistic of them all.  Somehow, he had gotten away with it, lucky bastard), nicknamed by WCKD students as the “Cure”, since this is where everyone went to relieve themselves of the struggles of uni.  Minho and Teresa had hit it off within the first couple of minutes of meeting each other, which meant they rarely talked to their friends all night.

          Thomas didn’t mind, he was happy to see Teresa enjoying herself, and also happy to be in a good place with Newt.  With alcohol in their veins, and high off their happiness, the four friends were on the dance floor all night. Thomas may have been a bit drunker than he thought, because at some point during the night, he pulled Newt onto him, the two of them swaying to the music in a hypnotic synchronization.  It started to feel too hot for Thomas, maybe it was the sweaty bodies, maybe it was the way Newt was moving on him, but he excused himself and headed for the bar, ordering some drink that contained vodka and downed it. Maybe he just needed liquid courage, and if he did something stupid, he could always blame it on the alcohol.

          Thankfully, Thomas didn’t end up making a fool of himself, because Newt came over to where he was, telling him Teresa had one too many and was now waiting in the cab with Minho, who had to take his shirt off since she puked all over it (Thomas couldn’t wait to tease her about that till the end of time).  They stumbled out of the club at around 1 A.M., all of them taking care of Teresa all night. Minho held her hair back as she puked her brains out in the bathroom, Thomas was getting his bed ready for her, laying out clothes, and Newt was grabbing Advil and water for her to take in the morning. She’d finally stopped at around two, Minho carrying her into Thomas’ room.  She was thankfully coherent enough to where she could take her clothes off and put on Thomas’ with limited assistance from her oldest friend, before passing out as soon as her head hit the pillow.

          Minho took a shower, then crashed on their couch.  After he got changed, Thomas was contemplating where to sleep, until Newt peered out of his room, leaning on the door frame for support.  He was still pretty drunk, but he had a good sense of what was happening around him. Thomas looked like a lost puppy when Newt motioned him into his room, “Come, Tommy.  We can cuddle.”

          They both fell asleep pretty quickly in Newt’s bed, Newt clinging onto Thomas’ body.  He knew he was pretty drunk still, but he wouldn’t forget how at peace he felt with Newt in his arms.

* * *

          The rest of the weekend was quite enjoyable after Teresa’s spiral.  Minho wasn’t phased at all by her blackout night, since it was college, and those kind of nights were more common than not, but she was mortified.  The morning after, she refused to leave Thomas’ room all morning, and only came out when Minho told her he wanted to take her out to eat that night.  When the time came she cleaned herself up well, and the pair spent the night getting to know each other. Teresa decided when Minho kissed her in the middle of the Glade that she’d definitely make the drive up more often.

          While they were out, Thomas spent the night at Flare, drinking numerous coffees and thinking about his life.

          He thought he was straight his whole life.  He had two girlfriends in high school: Harriet, who he dated for a couple months freshman year, and Rachel, the girl he was infatuated with for two years until they broke up shortly after prom.  He genuinely liked both of them, and never even considered being with a guy until he met Newt. So what made Newt different?

          Maybe it was the way his eyes crinkled when he smiled, how his face lights up when he talks about a new book he’s into, or how his golden hair surrounds him like a halo.  Maybe it was how Newt seemed to put everyone first, how he was incredibly empathetic, or he carried himself in the face of adversity. Maybe it was how he was always there for Thomas, how his eyes shimmered whenever he looked at the brunet, or how he made him feel more alive and whole than anyone else he’s ever encountered.

          Thomas came to the conclusion that maybe he didn’t need to figure everything out in his head like he thought he had to.  Maybe he had to just stop fighting whatever is between them, and just let their effortless connection take them where they’re supposed to.  Maybe he didn’t need to think at all. Maybe all he had to do was trust in Newt, in his feelings for him, and everything else wouldn’t matter.

* * *

          Teresa went back to college Sunday morning, Thomas only briefly getting to say goodbye, since she was all wrapped up with Minho.  When she was gone, Thomas walked into Newt’s room, who was currently re-reading _Catch 22_.  Before Thomas could even speak, Newt put the book down and looked up at him, “It’s probably a good thing you came in here, or else I would have been in here reading all day.”

          “Come on, we’re going to spend the day with a classic binge-watch-and-cuddle session,” Thomas smiled, then headed over to the kitchenette.  He grabbed some popcorn and popped it into the microwave. When it was done, Newt shuffled out of his room, wrapped up in a huge, red blanket that looked as though it could cover four people.   _Adorable_ , is all Thomas thought.  He put the popcorn in a bowl, then headed on over to the couch, plopping down right next to Newt, who spread the blanket across the both of them.  Newt immediately snuggled into his side, Thomas draping one of his arms around his shoulders, holding them close. The pair chose to keep watching _How to Get Away with Murder,_ spending all day captivated by Annalise Keating and the Keating Five’s drama and sex lives.

          They were almost done with season 1 when they decided to save the season finale for a time when they weren’t so tired.  It was around eleven at night, the two only pausing maybe five times for bathroom breaks and snack replenishing. When they turned the TV off, none of them moved, content with staying cuddled up together.  It was in this state of bliss that Thomas decided it was now or never, because if Newt had liked him he wouldn’t wait for him forever, and he would be damned if he let Newt slip away from his stupidity.

          “Hey, uh, Newt?” Thomas spoke up, breaking the comfortable silence.

          “Hmm?” Newt hummed, lifting his head up to look at Thomas’ face.

          His breath caught in his throat, but he had to do this.  He licked his lips nervously, a bad habit of his, before speaking up again, “I, uh… I know we already like talked about it, but I never really explained to you why I was acting like such an ‘arse’.”  Newt could hear the nervousness in his voice, so he sat up, letting him know that he had his undivided attention, the warm smile on his face reassuring Thomas that everything would be okay. “I was acting like such a dick because I was… jealous?”

          At this Newt started to laugh, and even though Thomas knew he wasn’t laughing at him, it still made him anxious.  “Oh, Tommy, don’t worry. You’re a very attractive man, I have no doubt you’ll easily be able to find someone to shag.  You just gotta put yourself out there.”

          “That’s sort of what I’m trying to do… Well, not just like someone to fuck… I want more than that.”

          “Alright.  Any idea who you’d want that with?  ‘Cause I still stand by my judgement of the girls not being the… finest fish in the sea here, no offense to Bridget.”

          “Brenda.”

          “Oh, right.” Thomas could see the tiniest of smirks when he “accidentally” messed up her name.  Okay, so maybe Teresa was right. “But what I’m trying to say… is,” Thomas tried to form the words, but he couldn’t get his mouth to work.  In a fit of panic, he figured maybe he’d do something a bit bold? All he could think to do was grab Newt’s hand, so he reached under the blanket, and intertwined his fingers with Newt’s, bringing their hands over the blanket to admire how they looked together.

          This all stunned Newt, who after watching their hands, looked up at Thomas with an intense look in his eyes— they held adoration, fear, and hope.  “But— I thought— you’re straight?”

          Now it was Thomas’ turn to laugh, squeezing Newt’s hand to bring him comfort even though Thomas was laughing, “I thought so, too.  But after getting my head out of my ass, I realized that I’ve had feelings for you, maybe even back to the day we met. I just wasn’t ready for this before but… Now I’m ready.  And, God, I don’t know why I was ever insistent on waiting. I meant what I said; You make my life complete.”

          At this point, Newt’s eyes began to tear, but not enough to make him cry.  He squeezed Thomas’ hand, almost as if to check if this was all really happening, that this wasn’t just a dream.  “I just thought after all this time… I mean, all the flirting was all real, but I never thought you’d have feelings for me, I just thought I was going to be infatuated with my straight roommate forever, and had to shag randoms to take my mind off it.”

          Thomas shook his head, cupping Newt’s cheek, “I’m all yours now.  You don’t have to ever be with anyone else ever again.”

          Newt gapped at this, bringing their conjoined hands closer to him and kissed Thomas’ knuckles.  They sat in a few moments of silence, taking in the newfound revelations, when Thomas spoke up again.  “It was actually pretty funny, figuring this all out. I kind of thought I was homophobic at one point, since seeing you with other guys grossed me out so much.”

         That confession made Newt burst out into laughter, making the blonde double over, unable to stop.  It was worth embarrassing himself to see Newt so amused. He ended up going the blond, the pure euphoria they both felt made them laugh maybe longer than they had to, but they were happy, and felt so alive.  When they’d calmed their giggles down, Newt smiled, “Well, Tommy, never pegged you to be the jealous type.”

          “Well, you bring out emotions I never thought I’d have before.  You have a strange yet profound effect on me,” Thomas grinned, bringing his hand back to cup Newt’s face.  The Brit leaned into the touch.

          After a few moments of admiring one another, Thomas licked his lips in anticipation.  “I wanna try something.”

          Newt gathered what he meant, because he leaned forward, Thomas meeting him in the middle.  Thomas never thought kissing a boy could feel so… perfect. Newt brought one hand behind Thomas’ head, gripping the short, brunet hair behind there, bringing their faces impossibly closer.  At some point during their kisses, they got carried away, Thomas bringing his hands down Newt’s body, to his waist, under his thighs, and moved him so the blond was straddling him. He kept his hands on Newt’s sides, gripping and clawing at the skin there.  Newt’s hands were exploring Thomas’ head, pulling at any strand he touched.

         When they pulled apart for air, Thomas almost lost it at the sight of Newt’s dilated eyes, swollen lips, and flushed face.  “You’re beautiful,” Thomas whispered, resting their foreheads together. He’d always thought Newt was exceptionally good-looking, but it was like looking at him through a different lens.  He was on a new level of attached to Newt, he knew now that being with or kissing anyone else would be incomparable to being with Newt. He was in deep, but he’d never been happier.

          That night, the pair slept together in Thomas’ bed, cuddled up together, kissing here-and-there until they both fell asleep.

* * *

          Teresa came to WCKD every other weekend, officially to spend time with her best friend, and unofficially to see the boy who’d taken up all her thoughts since he’d chivalrously taken care of her drunken self.  She was elated to hear when she came back that her best friend had finally gotten his shit together. When she came back two weeks later, she let herself in with her key, went to Thomas’ room to find the two boys shirtless in his bed, Newt basically on top of her friend.  She smiled fondly at them, and took a picture of the sight before jumping on the bed, announcing her arrival. Thomas glared at her for waking them up, but was happy to see her. After the boys had showered together, Thomas took Teresa out for lunch. She updated him on her relationship with Minho— the two had been texting ever since she went back to her school, and the runner apparently had a surprise waiting for her when they were done.

          He told her of the night they had gotten together, of how they’re taking the sexual things slow, since Thomas has never been with a guy before.  He told her of the date Newt took him on, at a classy restaurant a couple miles from campus, how cliché yet amazing it was. He told her how he might be in love with him.

          They ate outside at the Glade, with the sun shining, the sky bright and blue.  After what felt like a long time, he finally felt like everything just made sense, so at ease and unburdened, like he was headed on the right track.  Maybe he was meant to spend the rest of his life with Samuel Newton. Maybe they’d have forever together. Maybe it’s the excitement of young love that’s fueling those thoughts, but no matter if it's for a lifetime, or a star-crossed kind of love, he knew one thing for sure; Thomas would never love anyone the way he loved Newt.

**Author's Note:**

> hope that was worth the read! i wrote this in one day and like barely checked for grammatical errors so sorry if i just sound dumb sometimes.. but thanks for reading! have a good day loves!xx


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